


Fuck.

by im_a_fandom_trashpanda



Category: DreamSMP, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Everyone else is just mentioned :), Main character Wilbur Soot aha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:47:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28351137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/im_a_fandom_trashpanda/pseuds/im_a_fandom_trashpanda
Summary: Oh boy another songfic aha (Shrike - Hozier)
Kudos: 5





	Fuck.

**Author's Note:**

> https://open.spotify.com/track/083PU4XnYAOMAGVruma3vb  
> Song

_I couldn't utter my love when it counted_

They were gone.

_Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now_

They were gone and he was fucking singing. Why was he singing? To cope. He sung and he sung and he sung but it didn’t matter. They were dead.

_I couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted_

Why had he done it? Why had he driven them away? Was he not loud enough? God, why was he so docile? Why couldn’t he be loud, like Tommy, or showy, like Techno. Why did he have to be silent in his suffering? 

_Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now_

He wished Phil would sing with him. Phil would always sing, no matter the song. Even—Wil laughed bitterly—even if he was so pitchy and out of tune. Phil would sing with him.

_The words hung above_

The words fell off of his tongue like he wished they had before they died. He wished his first words in ten years weren’t saying goodbye to three headstones. He wished that his last ones to their faces hadn’t been death threats and bitter remarks.

_But never would form_

He craved Phil’s hugs. He craved Techno’s half-asleep ramblings of some kid he’d beaten in a contest. He craved Tommy’s loud cries and the way his little brother wanted to follow him everywhere.

_Like a cry at the final_

_Breath that is drawn_

Wilbur will never forget the way they screamed. The way Phil warned as many of them as he could, the way he held Tubbo, and Tommy, and all of them who were, in reality, too young to die. He’ll never forget Phil’s strangled ‘I love you’ and Tommy’s sobs, and Techno’s shout of alarm.

_Remember me, love_

He hates that his son will never smile again. He hates that his son’s dying breath was drawn staring into his father’s dead eyes.

_When I'm reborn_

He loved that his memories are kept in his music. He loved how they all smiled when he played. He loved how they begged him to sing.

_As the shrike to your sharp_

_And glorious thorn_

He hated that plucking strings felt like punching barbed wire.

_And I'd no idea on what ground I was founded_

He doesn’t remember the downward spiral from leaving home to striking the match.

_All of that goodness is goin' with you now_

But he knows that he left his pure heart with Phil, his love for everything with Tommy, his soul with Techno.

_Then when I met you, my virtues uncounted_

_All of my goodness is goin' with you now_

His very being was left in the empty room that he used to call his. He doesn’t know what he wants now. He has nothing left but burnt photographs and tattered clothes.

_Dragging along_

_Following your form_

He remembers very little when they found him, matches in hand, but no light in his eyes.

_Hung like the pelt_

_Of some prey you had worn_

He remembers the trawling months after, though. Singing the same four lines over and over.

_“Remember me, son_

_When I'm reborn_

_As a shrike to your sharp_

_And glorious thorn”_

The prison staff were glad to be rid of him.

 _I fled to the city with so much_ _discounted_

_Ah, but I'm flying like a bird to you now_

He tried to leave the city at first. Then he realised he was running again. That was his first step in recovery.

_Back to the hedgerows where bodies are mounted_

_Ah, but I'm flying like a bird to you now_

He travelled to Phil’s hometown first when he got out. He got therapy there. Then he travelled back to the graveyard to sit by Phil’s grave for hours.

_I was housed by your warmth_

_Thus transformed_

He felt warmth there for the first time. Real warmth, like that of a hug. He thinks Phil would be proud of him for trying.

_By your grounded and giving_

_And darkening scorn_

When he went to visit Techno’s hometown, he was reminded of how Techno used to scowl at him in that brotherly way, the malice in his face when Wilbur snitched on him. But Techno’s scorn kept him alive. Reminded him that there were things worth living for.

_Remember me, love_

_When I'm reborn_

He remembers Tommy’s words when he left home. He always remembered his promise to _not forget from whence he came_. Tommy was going through a Hamilton phase when Wil left. He’ll never know what Tommy became after that.

_As a shrike to your sharp_

He sits sometimes, and he wonders what could have been. The psych ward staff tell him not to dwell on the past, but remember it when living in the present. He’s never been good at living in the present.

_And glorious thorn_

But he’ll try. He knows he will. Sitting in front of his father’s headstone, he knows he’ll never be able to amend his mistakes. But he’ll learn from them. And he’ll move on.


End file.
